


Courtship Season

by ShiTiger



Series: Courtship season [1]
Category: Angry Birds - All Media Types
Genre: Cloaca, Frenemies, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Rare Pairings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-04 03:46:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17890889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShiTiger/pseuds/ShiTiger
Summary: The pigs arrive a month earlier, during courtship season, when there are very few eggs around.  Rather than give Red more anger management time, he assigns the young bird to be Leonard’s guide while the pigs are on the island.





	1. House Guest

**Author's Note:**

> Word of warning. This is marked "Explicit" for a reason. The chapters with explicit content will be marked at the top, so if it isn't your cup of tea, you can skip them.

_Setting:  The story starts during the movie when Red is painting._

 

“What’s going on here?  Are you explorers or are you staying?  Cause if you’re explorers, then why are more of you coming?” Red pointed at the piggy ship approaching the first one.

Leonard didn’t even flinch as the new ship rammed into the first one, pushing it against the bird’s ugly little house. 

“Not my house again. That’s my home!” the mouthy bird groaned, staring dejectedly at the scene on the beach.  “And you know what, if you are staying, why don’t you just say so?  And why did you leave your home?  How do we know you’re not fugitives of the law?”

It was amazing how quick the little bird could change his focus.  Little did he know that, as king, Leonard WAS the law on Piggy Island.  Still, Red was the only bird that actually seemed suspicious of them, and he wasn’t about to have his plans spoiled so easily. Making eye contact with the judge, Leonard gestured to the red bird who was still spouting his ideas to the crowd.  In mere seconds, the judge was leaning over the petite avian, grabbing him roughly by the wing.

“You are making our guests feel unwelcome,” Peckinpah snapped, yanking his young charge close.

“And you’re not asking basic questions,” Red shot back.

“Enough! Your inability to connect with people is a reoccurring issue, Mr. Red. You’ve had numerous opportunities to become an upstanding member of society, but you continue to let your anger get the best of you.  I cannot continue to overlook this suspicious treatment of our honored guests on the basis that you are a lost and found hatchling,” the judge stated roughly.

“This has nothing to do with that,” Red protested.

“You are a young adult, Red, and less than a year away from being considered a full-fledged adult in our community.  Clearly, there are still lessons you need to learn before you reach that stage.  And I believe Mr. Leonard, despite not being a bird, would be an excellent teacher.  You could learn a great deal from him.”

Well, this was an unexpected turn of events.  Leonard gazed at the shocked look on the little crimson bird’s face, and wondered just where the judge was planning to go with this news.

“As you well know, we are in the midst of our courtship season.  Birds of your age group often exhibit difficulty controlling their anger and aggression without a friend or companion to help _ease_ their tensions,” Peckinpah began to spout, releasing the younger avian from his grasp. 

“I don’t NEED someone else.  I’m perfectly capable of taking care of my own needs.  He doesn’t even have the right equipment.  And you can’t order me to accept HIM as a heat partner,” Red argued furiously.

“You are correct about the last part.  Such things should be consensual between both parties.  But I CAN order you to allow Mr. Leonard to live with you during the remainder of his stay.  With all his cousins and friends on the ships, he could surely use a quiet place to rest.  What do you say, Mr. Leonard?” the judge asked, turning to the obvious leader of the pigs.

Leonard took a moment to gather his thoughts — all that talk of courtship and partners in the bedroom was certainly was a lot to spring on a newcomer they’d only met a few days before.  Still, he could use this opportunity to get more information about the eggs, and take the little red squirt down a peg or two.  “Well, I’m game. It seems I have a lot to learn about you birds, and I’m sure Red and I will get along swimmingly.”

“If I don’t drown you first,” the crimson bird mumbled under his breath.

“Red…” The judge glared down at the young adult at his feet.

“I don’t even have an extra nest,” Red whined.

“Yet another reason why I’m having Mr. Leonard stay with you.  You need to learn to make friends, and having a spare nest to help another bird — or pig, in this case, is part of being a mindful citizen.  And stop complaining about the pigs breaking your home.  I’m sure they’re very upset about it, and you should be willing to accept an apology for the accidental damage,” Peckinpah stated, gesturing to their guests.

“He hasn’t apologized!” the crimson avian yelled, waving angrily at the pig in question.

“Well then, I’ll do that now.  I’m sorry for the damage our ship caused to your, _cough-ugly-cough_ , house.  And I look forward to sharing your gracious hospitality for the rest of my stay,” Leonard commented with an insincere smile.  Holding out a hoof, he waited for the petite bird to respond. 

“Oh, just shake his hoof, Red,” Matilda said, her eyes narrowing at her student.

Red snarled under his breath, but reached out a wing to give the pig’s hoof the tiniest of shakes. 

Leonard couldn’t help but smirk when the other birds refocused their gazes on his little ‘friend.’  Golden eyes widened, then narrowed at him again.  _The mouthy little bird is so delightfully easy to upset,_ the king thought to himself.  _This is going to be fun._

“Now, Red, make sure you answer all of Mr. Leonard’s questions to the best of your ability.  I’ll even give you the week off of anger management classes to get settled in,” the judge stated, before giving Leonard a wave, and wandering off.

“Sooooo, I should get back to our painting session.  I’ll have one of the boys drop your paintings off at your house later, Red,” Matilda said, making her escape as quickly as she was able to.

"I guess it’s just you and me,” Leonard announced, stepping closer to his new guide.

“I hate you,” Red swore under his breath.

“I assure you, the feeling is mutual.  I’m just better at hiding it,” the pig insisted, throwing the avian a wink.

* * *

_(later that night)_

“What a quaint little house.  It’s certainly more primitive than the houses in town, isn’t it,” Leonard exclaimed aloud, throwing a side glance at his avian companion.

“Hey!  I built this house with my own two wings.  It may not be as intricate as some of the houses you’ve seen, but it took me five years to build — on my own!” Red argued, glaring back at him.

“Don’t worry, I have no desire to take it from you.  This hole in the wall is going to cause a draft though.” Leonard stroked his beard as he pondered the damage.

“You’re the one who **made** the hole!” the avian yelled, stomping his little foot in anger.  Surprisingly, his little tantrum was followed by a deep breath, as he clearly struggled to calm down.  “Look, why don’t we just agree to **_pretend_** to follow the judge’s orders.  You don’t want to stay here, and I don’t want you here.”

The king leaned down, his voice low as he stated, “And miss the chance to agitate that fragile ego of yours?  Hardly.  I’ll have my men start on repairs first thing tomorrow morning – for **_my_** comfort, of course.  I do hate being drafty.”

“So you’re staying in your ship tonight.” Red actually smiled in relief, but the expression was quickly wiped off his face at the pig’s next words.

“ **We’re** staying in my ship.  I’ll show you what luxury truly is, little bird,” Leonard announced, throwing an arm around his new companion’s shoulders.

* * *

“This thing you sleep on is very uncomfortable,” Red grumbled, readjusting himself for the tenth time.

“It’s called a bed.  And it’s quite soft compared to your rough little nest.  That reminds me, I will have to have Ross set up a spare bed in your house.  I can’t possibly ruin my delicate skin sleeping on straw,” Leonard commented.  Turning on his side, he smirked at the bird who glared at him from the other side of the king-sized bed.  “Now that we’re all cozy and tucked in… why don’t you tell me all about this courtship season of yours.  I was expecting to see more eggs around.”

“Why me?” the crimson bird groaned, his eyes rolling up to the ceiling.  “Fine.  If it will get you off my back so that I can sleep, I’ll answer your _stupidly obvious_ questions.  Once a bird is considered an adult, they are able to begin proper courtship.  Males will court females during the spring, and they will start raising a family together.  Most birds choose to mate for life.”

“Interesting,” Leonard said. “Go on.”

“Birds have certain **needs** during the spring and summer months, and usually seek out same-gendered friends to ensure there are no unwanted fertilized eggs.  Females, of course, lay clutches several times a year, and the unfertilized ones are left outside the door to be picked up in the early morning hours by the street cleaners,” Red stated.

“Why would they leave those precious eggs outside and unguarded?” the pig asked, raising an eyebrow in alarm.

“Why would we need to protect empty eggs?  If they sit around too long, they start to rot.  The street cleaners haul them out of town to Barren Beach, where they are rolled into the water,” the avian said, shrugging his shoulders.

Leonard gasped aloud.  They did WHAT with all those delicious eggs!

“Seriously, I don’t know why this is bothering you so much. They’re baby-less eggs.  It’s not like they’re lost and found hatchlings,” Red said, grumbling the last part of the sentence.

“Yes, the judge mentioned that earlier.  In regards to you, in particular,” Leonard recalled, his attention drawn away from the eggs.

The avian’s eyes narrowed, and he swiftly turned away, focusing his attention on the wall.  “If the judge wasn’t ordering me to be here, I’d be back in my house right now,” he mumbled, pulling the blankets up to his chest.

“Touchy subject, I see,” Leonard said, scratching his chin.  “Well, let me take a guess.  Back on Piggy Island, we have buildings called Orphanages.  Little piglets without mommies or daddies will be taken there, to be raised in a group by the pigs running the orphanage.  They have beds, food, shelter, and several guardians who live there to care for them.”

“That… sounds a lot nicer than what we have here,” Red reluctantly admitted.  Maybe pig society wasn’t as bad as he thought — they were still up to something though! 

“Soooo, you were about to tell me about lost and found hatchlings,” the pig said, drumming his hooftips on the bed.

“I don’t want to talk about this tonight,” the avian said, his voice coming out as a low mumble.

 _I suppose this conversation **is** hitting close to home,_ the pig thought to himself.  _I’ll be nice, just this once._   “Alright, I’ll leave you alone — for tonight.  I’ll have Ross and the guys start fixing your place first thing in the morning.  Why don’t we just get some rest,” Leonard suggested, pulling the green blankets up to his chin. 

Red rolled onto his back, eyeing him from the side, before grumbling, “You’d better not try anything while I’m asleep, or I will kick your butt.”

“I don’t force my lovers to be with me.  They naturally gravitate toward my charm and good looks,” the pig chuckled, his eyes drifting closed. 

“Yeah, right.  Well, that isn’t happening with me,” Red snarked back. 

Leonard felt a smile spread over his lips as he listened to the bird grumble under his breath for a moment longer, before settling down to try to sleep.  The rest of their time on Bird Island was certainly going to be interesting. 

* * *

_Note: Chapter 2 is smutty NC17 stuff, so skip it if you’re not into that.  Chapter 3 is the start of a brand new day. Also, if you want more information about bird vs. pigs ages, read the sequel to Left Behind that is titled Moving Forward.  This follows the same idea of pigs living much longer lives than birds, so there is an age difference, but Red is about 20 in human years.  
_


	2. Their First Night (Smut)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NC17 smutty stuff. Skip this chapter if it's not your thing.

A muffled groan woke him in the middle of the night.  Opening his eyes, Leonard found himself staring at the grey ceiling.  Only the smallest hint of moonlight shone through the cabin window across from him, but it lit upon the vibrantly-colored feathers of his moaning bedmate.

“What the…” the king’s words trailed off once he realized what the bird was doing.  _Seriously?_   Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he grumbled, “You couldn’t wait until you were back in your own house?”

“S-shut up.  It’s c-courting s-season… mmm… ah… when the u-urge h-hits, it’s hah hah haaard to stop t-till it’ssss done,” Red hissed at him over his shoulder, his body hunched away from the bed’s other occupant.

“You know, if you’d just let me help you, then we could both get some sleep,” Leonard offered, biting back a yawn.  Honestly, it was far too early in the morning for this kind of thing.

“Hah! You pigs w-wouldn’t know w-what to d-d-do,” the crimson bird insisted, his wings moving feverishly under the covers.

Leonard frowned, more than a little annoyed at the insinuation.  Scooting closer, he wrapped his arms around the avian, and pulled him back against him.  “Oh really?  You think I haven’t seen another penis before?”

“P-penis?” Red said, sounding rather confused by the term. 

 _They probably call it something else,_ the king thought to himself, even as he reached between the bird’s gangly legs. Dark eyes widened as his hooftips found a moist opening, rather than manhood. _Red is a…_

“Ah, ah…” the bird groaned, his wings clinging to the covers like a lifeline.

“You’re a girl?” the pig stated aloud, the amazement evident in his voice.

“W-what?  Of c-course n-n-not,” Red protested, before biting his beak shut to hold in an even louder moan at the feeling of Leonard’s hooves stroking him THERE.

“But you have an opening…” Leonard said, trying to trace the strange opening with one hand.  The avian suddenly gasped, his entire body shuddering, before he collapsed back against the larger male. _That was fast,_ the pig thought.  “Did you just..?”

“It’s a c-cloaca.  All b-birds have c-cloacas.  And if you’re g-going to help, it n-n-needs to be m-more than o-once,” Red snapped, grinding against the other man’s hoof as the heat between his thighs began to build again.

“You WANT me to help you?” Leonard asked, refusing to move his hand until his new companion admitted that he needed his help.  He wasn’t a rapist, after all.  Still, it was getting difficult to think when the bird’s slick opening was rubbing back against him. If Red said no, he might have to excuse himself to the bathroom to take care of his own needs. 

“No!  Yes!” Red cried, leaning back against the other male.  “Argh, I c-can’t t-think r-right w-when the h-heat startttttssss.  Just do s-something a-al-ready!”

Nodding to himself, the pig shifted until his manhood was pressed between the avian’s thighs, rubbing deliciously against his ‘cloaca’ without actually penetrating him.  Rocking forward, he pressed his lips against the bird’s neck feathers to hold in his own groans of pleasure.  It wasn’t long before Red was once again climaxing, his opening rippling against Leonard’s length.  That was all it took to have the king yanking his lover close as his own orgasm shot through him. 

* * *

The silence in the room was broken only by their breaths as they came down from their shared high.  Leonard felt his eyes drooping closed, even as he held his avian lover close.  He should have known that the moment wouldn’t last.

“You got my chest feathers all sticky,” Red complained, pulling away from him, even as he pushed off the covers. 

Leonard watched as the bird slipped out of bed, and made his way toward the pig’s private bathroom, sliding the door shut behind him.  The king breathed out a sigh as he leaned back against his pillow, taking a moment to assess the situation.  Only moments before, in the throes of passion, his mind had immediately locked onto a single word: **MINE!**   The wave of possessiveness didn’t surprise Leonard as much as realizing _WHO_ that possessiveness was directed toward. 

Sitting up in bed, the pig ran his hooftips through his beard as he considered the riskiness of the situation.  He’d only meant to toy with the mouthy little bird, not become attached.  Perhaps it would be best if he distanced himself, at least for the first few nights he would be spending in the avian’s home. “Yes, that’s what I’ll do,” Leonard murmured to himself, twining his hooves together in dark amusement.  He’d have Ross set up a separate sleeping mat in the bird’s home, so that he wouldn’t be tempted by having the avian in his bed. 

“You have that stupid smirk on your face again,” Red announced, glaring at him from the now-open bathroom door.  Shutting off the light, he shuffled his way around the bed, until he was able to crawl onto the other side of it, keeping as far away from Leonard as he could get. “Don’t think this means I _like_ you.  You pigs are planning something, and I’m going to find out what it is.”

The king rolled his eyes, but found himself smiling as he remembered the feeling of the little bird in his arms.  “Goodnight, Red.”

“Whatever,” the avian grumbled, keeping his back turned to him as he pulled the covers up to his neck.  “Stupid pig.”


	3. What's in a Name?

“That’s an apple store, a barber shop, and a schoolhouse, obviously,” Red drawled, waving a wing at the school’s open window. 

Leonard leaned closer, his eyes riveted to the eggs that were just sitting there in little nests, while the teacher told them a story.  “So many eggs…”

“Too many, if you ask me,” Red grumbled, his wings crossed over his chest.

“Excuse me, little ones,” the teacher suddenly said, leaving the book on his chair as he approached the window.  “Hello.  You’re one of our new guests.  It’s a pleasure to have you visit my little schoolhouse.”

“Hey there!  My name is Leonard.  Red is showing me around the island today, and we just happened upon your quaint, _egg-filled_ school,” the pig announced, reaching in the window to shake the teacher’s wing.

“Red?  Oh, Red,” the teacher exclaimed, catching sight of the suddenly-nervous bird attempting to stay out of sight behind the pig. “It’s been a while since you’ve come round.  How is young adult life treating you these days?”

Red opened his mouth to respond, but the other bird’s attention was instantly back on his piggy companion.

“You know, Red was one of my students.  He was a lost and found hatchling, so the judge gave him to me… since the lost and found he was left at is closest to my school,” the teacher explained, with an almost forced chuckle.  “He used to have this cute little second-hand nest in the corner of the classroom.  He was always fast asleep when I arrived in the morning.  He wasn’t very good at waking up with the sun, like most birds do.”

“Wait…” Leonard’s eyes darted to his moody companion, before refocusing on the teacher.  “You were his guardian, but he slept at the school?”

“Of course.  I’m sure he’s told you all about lost and found hatchlings, Mr. Leonard.  I couldn’t take him in; it wouldn’t be proper.  I had hatchlings of my own to raise.  Now these eggs,” the teacher said, gesturing to nests.  “Well, they belong to proper parents.  Parents that will pick them up at the end of their work day, and spend quality time with them.  Red’s egg was abandoned. It’s tragic, really, when the parents feel that there is something wrong with their child, and are forced to abandon it.  Most lost and found eggs never hatch.  But our little Eyebrows… I mean, Red, survived against all odds. And look at him now, he’s… er…” The teacher threw his former charge a clearly forced grin. “Such an upstanding member of society.  Look at the time!  I have to put the little ones down for a nap.  Have a wonderful day!”

Leonard took a step back, gaping in amazement as the teacher threw down the blinds.  “So… that was enlightening,” the pig snorted, scratching his beard.

“Mr. Greensleeves isn’t really that interesting. Trust me.  The moment my house was built enough to live in, I was out of this school,” Red grumbled, even as he stomped away from the school. 

Leonard shook his head, casting the little building one last glance, before sprinting to catch up with his guide.  For such a petite creature, Red could move quickly when he wanted to.  “So… _eyebrows_?” the pig asked, once they had returned to a more leisurely pace.

The bird’s golden eyes widened, before he threw back his head with an exasperated groan. “Don’t call me that.  I didn’t have parents to give me a name, so the kids just started calling me the first thing they thought of.  Luckily, the Judge has the final say when it comes to… to people like me, so I convinced him to call me something else.  Red is fine.  It’s not really a name, but I’ve gotten used to it.”

“I suppose,” the king mused.  A single question had been lingering in his mind all morning, so he might as well just get on with it.  “Why did you have them build your house on the beach, anyway?”

Red shot him an irritated look.  “I built _my own_ house.  I designed it on my own, I bought the materials from the money I made working random jobs, and I spent 5 years building it until it was finally finished.  It was wonderful.  I was finally able to have some peace and quiet, and then SOMEONE came along and broke it,” the bird growled, glaring at him.

“I see.  Well, that does make me feel like a ham,” Leonard sighed.  Silence stretched between them long enough for the pig to add, “It seems like bird society isn’t as happy as everyone on this island seems to think it is.”

Red snorted.  “You try being happy all the time.  It’s practically a rule that you can’t ever be unhappy.  We even have a **_Museum of Happiness_**!”

Leonard blinked in amazement as the bird flung his wings into the air for emphasis, before curling his wings around himself again.  _Is he sulking?_ The king couldn’t help but find that utterly adorable.  “A Museum of Happiness, huh?  That sounds like fun.  Let’s go!”

“What?” the bird eyed him like he’d magically grown a second head.

“You’re supposed to be showing me around, remember?  Let’s go check out this museum you loath so much,” Leonard insisted, looping an arm around his avian’s shoulders.  “It’ll be fun.”

“You’re doing this to torment me, aren’t you?” Red grumbled, glaring up at him.

The smile on the pig’s face grew even larger.  “Of course, I am.  Lead the way!”

* * *

Leonard chuckled as he examined the wooded picture they’d gotten at the photo booth. He was smiling cheerfully, and Red was sitting next to him, glaring at the artist.  So cute!  The king glanced down at his frowning companion, only to realize that even the petite bird’s grouchy mood was oddly fetching.  _Calm it down, Leonard.  You were only together for one night,_ he told himself.  Then his brilliant mind returned to the plan to ignore the little red bird, even if they **were** going to be sharing a bedroom.  _I’ve got earplugs, and Ross is making me my own bed, so I won’t be bothered by his hormones tonight.  Yes, that’s the perfect plan._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good luck, Leonard. You’re going to need it. I hope these two banter more in the upcoming movie. And it seems like Red MIGHT have some competition when Zeta gets involved. She is going to play them both like a fiddle. Although in my fangirl mind, she might just turn out to be a matchmaking genius :) 
> 
> Chapter 4 is smutty, so feel free to skip it if you’re not into the NC17 stuff.


	4. A Helping Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NC17 smut.

His men hadn’t finished their repairs on the ugly, two story home until late in the evening.  Leonard had been tempted to spend another night on the ship, but his avian companion had flat out refused.  Of course, he could have just let the bird have his house to himself for the night, but that really wouldn’t have fit with his plans to continue tormenting Red for fun. 

With his earplugs nestled snugly in his ears, and his sleep mask blocking out the light from the window, Leonard was confident that he’d sleep through the night without interruption.  There was absolutely no way the bird could distract him this time. 

It was the middle of the night when the muffled groans woke him, and the moment he rolled over, he could see that his nemesis was turned away from him.  The wing he had clenched in his beak couldn’t drown out the breathy moans he was making.  Ignoring the fact that his earplugs were lying right next to his pillow, Leonard’s eyes trailed down the avian’s petite red body, coming to rest on the other wing that was pushed between his thighs.  It was then that he caught a glimpse of the bird’s moist and puffy opening in the moonlight, and his nether regions immediately sprang to attention. 

The king was out of bed, and poised over his new lover’s nest before he even had a chance to realize he’d made the decision.  Red gave a sudden shout of surprise as Leonard pulled his other wing gently away from where it was rubbing his cloaca, but his protests soon turned to cries of pleasure as the king spread his legs and gave his strange avian opening the attention it deserved. 

“W-why are you l-licking down THERE!” the bird finally managed to get out, his wings clutching at the pillow behind his head.

“To give you pleasure, of course,” Leonard purred, noting how the sound vibrated against his lover’s cloaca, causing him to cry out again.  Who knew that such an impertinent guy like Red could make those kinds of noises.  The king didn’t think he could ever get tired of it — and if he was in his right frame of mind, that thought might have worried him. 

It wasn’t long before the avian’s legs clenched, the heels of his strange feet digging into Leonard’s shoulders as he rode out his orgasm against the other male’s skillful mouth. 

* * *

“I can’t believe you did it _again_ ,” Red grumbled, glaring at the pig next to him on the bed. 

Leonard lazily opened his eyes, and grinned at his lover.  After bringing the bird to completion, the pig had moved them both to his bed to spend the rest of the night in each other’s arms.  “If I recall, I made you come _three_ times,” the king purred. 

“You had me on my knees, and you kept pushing your dangly thing between my legs,” Red argued, crossing his wings over his chest. 

“You can call it the right word, you know.  Penis, member, manhood… _dangly thing_ just sounds childish,” Leonard insisted, grinning at his lover.

“Fine, your… member,” the bird finally stated, his eyes darting away in embarrassment.  “At least you didn’t try to put it inside me,” Red huffed, stumbling out of the pig’s makeshift bed.

“I was planning to save THAT for later,” Leonard called out, as the bird began to descend the indoor staircase.

“You’d better not!” Red’s irritated voice floated back up to him.

The king simply chuckled, his mind already fast forwarding to that evening.  It was hard to tell if the bird had enough room down there to fit his entire manhood, but that didn’t mean Leonard wasn’t going to try.  He needed to grab his special supplies from the ship first though.  If you made sure your partners enjoyed your lovemaking sessions, they _always_ came back for more.

* * *

In the morning, Red is back to being his regular snippy self, but Leonard hoped he’d be ‘in the mood’ again that evening.  He had no idea that his time on Bird Island would be so deliciously _fruitful_. 


	5. Unintentionally Roommates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has an NC17 part that starts halfway through.

Several days later, the judge decided to throw another special dinner for their _guests_.  And, for once, Red was actually happy to see Chuck and Bomb sitting at their usual table.  The moment Leonard was occupied with his little piggy companion, the crimson avian made his escape.

“Hey, Red!” Chuck announced, standing up on his seat.

“Hi, Red,” said Bomb, waving a wing at him.

“Shuuuuu! Keep it down.” Red glanced over his shoulder, but it seemed that Leonard hadn’t noticed him missing as of yet.  With a sigh, he flopped down into the third seat at the table.

“We heard you were showing the pigs around,” Bomb commented, leaning his cheek on his wing to look at his newest friend.

“Only Leonard,” the crimson bird stated, glaring at the pig’s back.  With a huff, he deliberately turned himself to the side to face his… friends. 

“I heard HE was sleeping in your house,” said Chuck, smirking at the red bird.

“The judge insisted on it,” Red grumbled.  The wing he had rested on the table unconsciously rolled into a fist. 

“And…” the yellow bird said, waiting for more details.

“And it’s been absolutely horrid.  I try to have a little privacy, but he’s ALWAYS there.  He even insists on ‘helping,’” Red informed them, making air quotes with his wingtips.  He watched his friends’ eyes widen dramatically, their mouths dropping open in shock.  Chuck was the first to snap out of his stupor.

“How was it?” the smaller bird asked, eager to hear all the details.

“I already told you,” Red stated.  “It was horrible.  They have the wrong equipment…”

“Is that so?  You weren’t complaining about my ‘equipment’ last night,” a familiar voice purred.

“Hey, Leonard.  Red was just telling us that you became roommates,” Bomb said, smiling at the pig who was now standing next to Red.

“We’re NOT roommates,” Red snapped angrily, folding his wings over his chest. 

“Friends with benefits, then.  I don’t judge,” the bigger bird said, shrugging his shoulders. 

“We’re not friends!” the crimson avian shouted, drawing the attention of every bird around them.

“Well, this is awkward,” Leonard chuckled, glancing around at their many spectators.  “Come along, Red.  As my guide, I must insist that you join me at the head table.”

“I can’t even have one meal without you hovering over me,” Red growled, getting up from his seat.

“Awwww… I wanted to hear more about their equipment,” Chuck sighed, even as the pair watched their friend storm off with the pig at his heels.

“If they’re not roommates yet, I have a strong feeling they’re going to be,” Bomb said, smiling pleasantly. 

“Yeah,” Chuck agreed.  “It’s pretty obvious that Red _likes_ him.  I wonder if Leonard will move in with him.”

* * *

_(later that evening)_

“You are too delicious for words.  I just can’t… get enough of you,” Leonard panted, leaning back against the wall with a groan. 

“You’re easy to please,” Red grouched, eyeing the firm manhood he was stroking with his wings.

“Only when I have such an… _attentive_ lover,” the pig purred, smirking back at him.

“My wings are tired now,” the avian suddenly announced, letting go of the other male’s strange length.  “This isn’t interesting me, at all.”

“Well then, we’ll just have to move on to the main course,” Leonard announced, scooping his little lover into his arms. 

“What?  I’m not even…” Red trailed off, groaning when the bigger male began to stroke between his legs.  “T-that’s not f-fair.”

“You know what they say… _All’s fair in love and war_ ,” the pig stated, laying down on the bed with the avian in his arms.  “Now then, what position should we use?”

“Position?” Red glanced back at him, suddenly realizing they were spooning on their sides. 

“This is your first time, after all.  Despite what you think of me, I don’t like to harm my lovers,” Leonard insisted, reaching for the tube he had placed by his pillow.  

“What is that stuff?” the bird asked, watching as the pig squirted something wet into his hoof. 

“Oh, nothing much.  It’s just something to help make this easier on you,” Leonard told him, stroking his manhood.  Once he was satisfied, he reached down to give his lover’s cloaca the attention it deserved. 

Red was a panting mess by the time Leonard was satisfied with his preparations.  Shifting until the avian was on his back, the king took a moment to gaze down into his lover’s lidded golden eyes.  _Beautiful.  You would make a lovely consort, my Red._  And, for the first time since they’d begun to share a bed, Leonard found himself lost in visions of sharing a future with the moody little bird.  _My plans are already in place.  Once we have the eggs, I’ll make sure to kidnap Red, as well.  I’ll take him back to Piggy Island, and make him my consort.  He will learn to love me._

“D-Do something a-already,” Red grumbled loudly, his golden eyes narrowing up at his porcine bed partner.

“Sorry, Red.  I was lost in thought,” the pig admitted sheepishly.  Leaning down, he pressed his lips to the avian’s throat feathers, even as he began to push inside.

Crimson wings clutched at the covers as the other male slid into him.  _Big, big, big,_ was all he could think.  _Why did I let Leonard talk me into this?  There’s no way this could be… Ooooh!_

Leonard pulled back, before pushing in again, nearly gasping aloud as Red’s inner walls clutched him tightly.  “Is this… manageable for you?” he managed to ask, forcing himself to pause. 

“Uhhh…” Red groaned, his head lolled back against the mattress. 

“Red?” the king eyed his lover, even as a startling thought shot through him.  _What if I hurt him?  He could be in pain right now.  I should…_

“Move already!” the crimson avian suddenly insisted, his head snapping up so that he could glare at the larger male.  “Honestly, it was just starting to feel good, and you stopped.  You’re such a…”

Leonard smirked, pushing back in again.  Beneath him, Red groaned loudly.  “What was that?  If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were enjoying yourself.”

“S-shut up.  You’re l-lucky it’s c-courting s-season, or I’d have k-kicked you o-out,” Red stammered, his legs tightening around his larger lover.  Releasing the covers, he clutched at the other man’s hips with his wings.  _It’s not fair.  Why does this feel so good?  I want… I want more._

Feeling his peak fast approaching, Leonard pressed inside his lover as deeply as he could go.  As he felt his orgasm rush through him, the avian beneath him let out a shout of pleasure.  Moments later, they were laying side by side, breathing heavily in the darkness.

“I still hate you,” Red grumbled aloud.

Leonard nearly laughed, but settled for a light chuckle.  The little avian didn’t know when to quit — it was one of the most delightfully endearing things about him.

“But I suppose you’re not that bad in bed, even if you do have that penis-thing,” the crimson bird stated calmly, before rolling away to face the opposite wall.

The pig found himself blinking in shock at his lover’s declaration, but before he could think of anything to say, the avian had already drifted off to sleep.  Sighing heavily, the king gave in to the urge to cuddle up behind his petite lover, even as he pulled the covers over their bodies.  It didn’t take long for him to sink into sleep, as well.

_You **will** be mine, Red.  I won’t let you go._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roommates refers to my last fic, “Left Behind.” It’s a bit of headcannon of mine, really. Couples having as many ‘naturally-born’ children as they can, given that adoption does not seem to be part of their culture. Gay couples are accepted, but they are referred to as ‘roommates.’


	6. Final Countdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is quite rushed, but I hope the sequel makes up for it.

Mighty Eagle was a jerk, Red decided, even as he and his friends raced down the mountain.  Leonard was an even bigger jerk, but that was something he had expected from the beginning. 

“Come on, guys!  Those pigs are planning something big, and we have to stop them!”

* * *

“They’re stealing our eggs,” the crimson avian realized, his eyes widening in shock.  _How could I be so blind?  The pigs have been obsessed with our eggs since the moment they arrived on the island._   Shaking himself from his thoughts, he quickly shouted orders at his friends.  If they didn’t do something fast, the island’s youngest generation was going to be taken from them.

* * *

“Come now, Red.  Don’t be like that.  I’ve already won,” Leonard called out, eyeing the birds clinging to the egg net. 

“No… You… Haven’t!” the crimson avian shouted back, struggling to keep his grip.

“Look, if you just climb over here, I can explain everything,” the pig insisted.

“You’re trying to steal OUR EGGS!  I’m not going to sit back and let that happen,” Red stated, before ordering Bomb to blow up the chain.

On the boat, Leonard sighed and shook his head.  “Get the water pistols, and knock them off of there.  Both of them!”

* * *

“Citizens of Pig Island. If you spot any birds destroying your neighborhood, capture them,” Leonard’s voice announced over the loudspeaker.  “There’s been a change of plans.  We’ll eat the EGGS for lunch.”

“Did he say EAT the eggs,” Stella gasped.  The birds around her gagged in disgust.

 _Leonard, what are you thinking?  Why would you do something like this?  You’re such a… JERK!_   “Come on, you guys.  We have to keep attacking!” Red shouted, pushing down the hurt that was welling up in his chest.  Those pigs weren’t going to be eating any eggs while he was around.

* * *

“Red, be reasonable.  All we want is an egg buffet.  You birds can always make more,” Leonard called out from below.

“You’re not getting these eggs if I have anything to say about it!” the crimson avian shouted back.

“Get him down from there!” the king ordered, waving his scepter. 

* * *

“Mighty Eagle?  Where is he going?” Red groaned as he watched the giant bird flying in the WRONG direction.  “I can’t believe I’m about to do this.”

“AYYY OOOOH OHHHH!  AYYYY OOOOH OHHHH!”

Mighty Eagle swung around, flying back toward the castle, much to Red’s relief. 

“Coming in! Coming in!  Mighty Eagle!”

* * *

 _Oh, you have got to be kidding me.  Mighty Eagle arrives to save the day, and then smashes his head into a POT?_   “Wake up!” Red shouted, attempting to revive the massive bird.

“Ooooh, hello there.  You’re a pretty, pretty princess, aren’t you,” Mighty Eagle said, smiling at Red with a dazed look in his eyes.

The crimson bird gaped at him in shock.  “I’m not a princess.  Look, you need to…”

“Pretty princess with pretty red feathers,” Mighty Eagle sang, his eyes rolling up to stare at the ceiling. 

“RED!”

The bird in question turned to see his friends racing into the room, even as the giant bird next to him shot to his feet.

“Mighty Eagle, you have to fly those eggs to safety,” Red ordered, pointing at the window. 

“I’ve got this, princess.  Don’t you worry.  Here we go!” Mighty Eagle shouted, racing for the net filled with eggs.  

Moments later, Red and his friends were clinging to the net, while the immense bird flew them out the window.  _We’re going to make it!_   Something yanked at his leg, pulling him back, even as he struggled to hold onto the net with his wings.  Glancing back, the avian’s golden eyes widened when he realized the pig king was clutching his leg in an iron grip.

“You’re not getting away that easy,” Leonard announced, smirking up at his prey.  “I’m going to keep you on Piggy Island, and make you my…” A blue egg suddenly escaped the net, bouncing down the row of pig’s backs. 

“Save yourselves!” Red shouted up at his friends.  “I’m going to save that egg!”

* * *

“Well now, it looks like I get to keep you **AND** the egg,” Leonard stated, even as he and his men closed around the crimson bird from all sides.  He was just about to grab his avian lover, when the giant pot of boiling water began to fall.

* * *

“It’s over, Red.  I have the egg… and I have YOU,” Leonard purred, smirking at the crimson bird. 

“Well, you know what?  I guess you win,” Red announced unexpectedly.

 _What?  Why is he smiling?  Did he secretly WANT me to win?_   Leonard narrowed his eyes uncertainly.

“That was an awesome plan.  Mindblower!” Red exclaimed.

“Really?” Leonard felt his mood brightening.  Finally, someone who recognized his genius.  “You know, a lot of work goes into my sinister plans.”

“Nah.  I mean, your plan was great,” Red said, stepping closer with a smile.  “But you didn’t plan for this!” He yanked one of the boxes from the bottom of the TNT pile, causing the sticks to begin rolling downward.

Leonard shouted aloud as he began to fall.  Red dove toward him, tackling him in midair.  They went careening off into a pile of boxes, only for the avian to escape with the egg in his wing. He crawled up onto the rock, clutching the egg close.

“Red, get back here!  There’s nowhere for you to run!” Leonard shouted, racing after the bird.  They were trapped down there together, after all.  _You’re mine now, Red.  And I’m not letting you go._ Getting within reach, the king began to chuckle darkly, even as he stretched out his hoof toward the petite avian.  “You have defied me for the last time!”

The look of fear on the bird’s face was quickly replaced with a smirk.  “Yep.”

Leonard jerked back as the giant, golden pig bowl landed on the rock, sealing Red and the egg inside. It was at that pivotal moment that the king realized his candle had managed to set off the dynamite underneath the castle.  _Come to think of it… it was a really stupid idea to store all this TNT here,_ Leonard thought, even as the dynamite began to explode around him.

* * *

Red smiled down at the blue triplets in his arms, even as his friends raced to his side.  Darting in close, Chuck kissed him quickly, before announcing, “I thought you had died, or defected to the pig’s side!”

“Hey, buddy.  Way to not be dead,” said Bomb, wrapping his wing around his petite friend.

Red eagerly climbed up the hill, reuniting the triplets with their biological parents.  _We won.  Although, I kinda wish I’d been able to keep them,_ Red thought to himself.  _Wait, what?  No, that’s not right.  I am sooo not parent material._  

“Crimson, Woody, Ash… you learned your lessons well.  Come here!” Mighty Eagle spread his wings wide, before dragging the three smaller birds into his arms.  “Good job, Red.  I knew you had it in you to be a leader,” the giant bird whispered, before releasing them.

 “A leader?  No, I’m just… me,” Red said, before turning away.  “Alright everyone, let’s get these eggs home!”

* * *

“What the…” Red trailed off, staring in amazement at HIS house.  The villagers had not only repaired it, but they had moved it off the beach, and into the center of the housing district.  Okay, the moat was a bit smaller, but he had a garden, now. 

“I don’t know what to say…” the crimson avian said, turning to look at the crowd.  At least two dozen colorful little hatchlings suddenly swarmed around the villagers’ feet, coming to a stop directly in front of Red and his friends.  Opening their beaks, they began to sing.

* * *

“I’m just messing with you.  Get in here!” Red called, waving for his two closest friends to come inside.

“Roommates!  I can’t wait to make a chores list,” Bomb insisted, pushing past him.

“Wait, what?  No, I didn’t say we’d be…”

“This is going to be perfect!” shouted Chuck, racing in the door.

“Wait, guys!  You’re not moving in!”

* * *

“Come on, Leonard!”

“Leonard can’t dance… he’s hatching a new plan,” the king chuckled darkly.  _This is not the end.  We will reclaim the eggs, and I WILL make Red my consort.  Just you wait, my sweet, I’ll be coming back for you soon._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, there is a sequel to this story. And it involves a twist that should be most… entertaining. Keep an eye out for “Late Bloomer.”

**Author's Note:**

> I am still working on the Left Behind series, but the trailer for Angry Birds 2 came out, so I decided to start posting this story early.


End file.
